Stand-up Comedy

Do you find that idiots have the most annoying ways of getting to the point? They feel the need to inject all kinds of extraneous phrases into their talking to elevate their pointlessness. And we suffer through their blah . . . blah . . . blah, feeling like poking a pencil in our eye, killing ourselves, or shouting out, “Shut the F up!”

Like when you’re at a show and the announcer comes out on stage and says, “I’m happy to announce . . .” Or says, “It gives me pleasure . . .” Do you get the urge to shout out, “Just do the announcing. I could give a rat’s ass whether you’re happy or not. And about the thing that gives you pleasure . . . if you’re planning to pleasure yourself, you’ll need to leave the stage. I’m here with my wife and kids!”

Other routines:

“No . . . I’m not your age . . . you old fart!!” (At the pool with seniors in Miami Beach)

“Are those real?” (The women of South Beach)

“Did you shit yourself?” (Seniors and their bowel movements)

“Max . . . do you wash that thing?” (Intimate times)

“Yep . . . that part of me is lethargic.” (Being a born-again virgin)

“I have an enlarged prostate! And — where’re my shoes?” (Airport experiences)

“Don’t you remember me?” (Pranking old ladies on the boardwalk, at the beach)

“Hello, Irving! What do you mean, you don’t know who I am?” (Prank phone calls)

Marc Gellman, Comic
Marc Gellman
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